


Dirk Gently is Sweet As

by starknight



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Baking, Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Cutesy, Dirk Gently Being Dirk Gently, Dirk Gently is the World's Best Meringue Maker, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Dirk Gently, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, One Shot, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 17:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15712032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starknight/pseuds/starknight
Summary: Dirk Gently has a crush, and a recipe.This is literally just happiness and baking and brotzly. Come here for a warm hug of a fic!





	Dirk Gently is Sweet As

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magicofdeduction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicofdeduction/gifts).



Sometimes, Dirk would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. It seemed silly to miss out on all that  _ life  _ outside, but really, he needed time out of the stream of creation.

Today, however, was not one of those days.

Today he was on a super secret mission.

 

“Just a spoonful of sugar… helps the…” he hummed as he worked.  _ Medicine, _ what a word. So many connotations! It was a good, bad, big bonanza of a word. But he ought not to be thinking of medicine right now.

In went the caster sugar. The eggs had been so slippery and fun to hold he'd taken a good long while to get four whites separated, with many dedicated to a scrambled egg snack post-bake session. Gosh, cooking was a mission. It never stopped! Dirk grinned broadly as he seized the egg-beater and plunged it into the sweet mixture. 

“Just beat it!” He hopped around as he wound and wound, so fast he felt more than slightly exerted. Quite a bit of egg had splashed over the edge of the bowl, but if Todd was going to complain, well, he shouldn't leave Dirk unsupervised in the apartment. 

God, it took so long to beat the eggs. Even now, they were sort of disappointingly frothy, like a sad milkshake. And then - a little better, but still with the distinct air of a wet sloth rising from the dead. Dirk giggled at the idea, twirling round in the middle of the kitchen, putting the egg beating on pause for a moment. He licked the egg beater and then realized that it was perhaps not  _ so  _ hygienic but then again it was all Todd's fault really so… He licked it again. 

There was nothing like meringue. Even pathetically beaten. It was pure joy brought into the world. Well - Dirk might have thought that if he'd never been lucky enough to have an assistant. An assistant! A best friend!

The very thought made him straighten up and do his best beating. And eventually, eventually, after his face had surely turned the exact same shade as a flamingo and he was wondering if his arm would actually be able to  _ stop _ beating, the meringue was ready. Stiff peaks! They really were stiff peaks! 

Dirk would say he'd never been so excited to see them before, except that every time he did this he got exactly as excited as he was now.

He swung the bowl around so it was upside down; perfect. Dirk wondered briefly what the person who decided that ought to be the test for meringue readiness was thinking. How many children had cried over their ruined dessert snack and suddenly disgusting kitchen floor?

Anyway, now wasn't the time for that. Now was the time for… piping!

Dirk caught up the piping bag and sang under his breath. “Oh, sugar!” A little bum wiggle wouldn't hurt the meringues. He swayed from side to side excitedly, taking up a spatula and dolloping meringue into the piping bag. The slap of the mixture was possibly the most satisfying thing since sliced bread. And that was saying something - Dirk still couldn't believe how perfectly every single slice of bread was nowadays. If he tried to cut into a solid loaf, he would either get a huge wonky hunk or nothing at all to eat.

Anyway.

What to pipe? 

Dirk began off with a few simple dollops, hands squeezing the mixture deftly. He'd always wanted to have a meringue squeezing fight with someone. Surely Todd would indulge him…  _ one day. _ It was just  _ so good _ to have a one day like that to look forwards to. Todd! His best friend! Who would do anything with him!

Just like that, he knew exactly what to spell out. He stuck his tongue out in concentrating, a stray strand of hair decorating his vision as he worked. There was  _ just _ enough mixture for his vision… and it came to life. Todd had literally just been to New Zealand. He'd get it! “You are my candy boo-giiiirl…” The lyric was girl. Girl! But, as Dirk had recently and unexpectedly discovered, he was much more interested in a candy boy. Well. Just one, really.

 

Todd arrived home that night, jetlagged as all hell and looking (quite frankly) like utter shit.

“Surprise!!!” Dirk yelled when Todd entered. He grinned.

“Surprise, after twenty nine texts and eighteen missed calls asking where I was and if I would come straight home… here you are.” Todd's voice sounded cracked and fond. Dirk melted into the sound, and his best friend's eyes, and smiled dopily.

“Here I am.”

They stared at each other for a beat, then Dirk yelled “YOU'RE BACK” and Todd yelled “YES” and they yelled some more and hugged and punched the air in a show of their friendship.

Dirk had really, really missed this.

It was about ten minutes later when he remembered. “Oh! I made you a coming home present!!” 

Todd blinked and smiled. “Made? As in…”

“Baked!” At Todd's look of horror, Dirk smirked. Little did Todd know there was one - exactly one - thing that Dirk could bake. He rushed to the counter, retrieved the tray and brought it back to the couch they had settled on.

“Ta-da!” Todd looked at the piping and his face lit up like Christmas lights. It read, “U R SWEET AS BRO”. 

In sight of hind, Dirk thought, his crush might have been a  _ bit _ obvious.

But when Todd kissed him as sweetly as the meringue that had given him away, all Dirk could think of was pieces of creation slotting into place and the love that would hold them together.

**Author's Note:**

> Written on a total whim on my phone at midnight in a motel. It just popped into my head and I had to get it down! I'm so in love with this fandom already (watched canon one week ago).
> 
> Thanks for the warm welcome into your ranks, dirktectives <3
> 
> PS. Yes I sort of did a reference with Elijah Wood and NZ shhh I'm cool okay


End file.
